We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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