he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
