Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
