I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
