Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
