Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
