if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
