Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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