I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
