i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
