listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
