oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
