Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
