I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
