I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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