I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
