ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
