Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
