Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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