I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
