I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
