I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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