Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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