come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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