Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
