we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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