3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
