it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
