Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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