i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
