Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
