I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
