I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
