he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
