I think my vagina is haunted
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
