my sisters under your porch take her home
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
