PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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