you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
