Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize