It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
