I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
