I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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