yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
