Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
