im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
