and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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