i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
