I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
