The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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