Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
