If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.