i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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