you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize