His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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