he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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