Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the liver wants what the liver wants
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
