I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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