hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why are your pants in the freezer?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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