girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
