I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
