benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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