He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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