Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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