I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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