you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
