she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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