at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need a beard to bite.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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