We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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