I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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