I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
