she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
