I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
